Christ Centered Gamer

I worked for Walmart once upon a time, in the hardware section. The paint mixer was fun, but other than that, I wasn't a fan.

So I read your blog post about how you stopped writing. I realize this is probably a touchy subject, but I've been trying to work up the courage to ask about it. I apologize in advance for a long, meandering post that may not even be relevant anymore, I just process things very very slowly. I also apologize for the bluntness in the post, I wrote this as a kind of stream of consciousness while I was drinking coffee.

Let me start by giving some context.

My dad is, I have mentioned elsewhere, currently not doing too well. He was diagnosed with Kidney cancer late last year, and has been recovering from surgery pretty much since the beginning of the month. He's not in any danger at the moment, but he's sedated while they wait for his other kidney to recover.

My dad was one of those guys who espoused "responsibility" in everything. And there is a lot of wisdom in being responsible in managing your time, your money, and everything else. But his definition of responsibility stuck with me in a way perhaps unintended: "Work now, play later." I have all of these hobbies I want to pursue, but they cost time and money, as hobbies are wont to do. My dad's message was "Work now, and save as much money as you can to retire early and THEN you can pursue your hobbies." He never actually said that, he just implied that through the way he talked to me and how he acted. Other than programming, he didn't really have any hobbies that lasted. He had done a little woodworking, but it was too time-consuming for him. He also had this "I can't wait until I retire and my kids move out so I can get back into model trains" mentality going on. He loved (still does) model trains, but he just "didn't have the time"

Then, cancer happened. Suddenly, it didn't seem so certain that he would have all that much time left after he retired, if he even made it to retirement at all. So he went on short-term disability, and while waiting for treatment, got back into model trains.

Now, I can't tell you what his thought process through this whole ordeal was. All I know is that he was tired, sick, and generally feeling terrible. I'd like to think that model trains provided some distraction while he waited. But after a while, even that was too much exertion, and he was forced to sit in the easy chair in the living room, binge-watching TV shows like a college student shirking homework.

I can't tell you what his thought process was. But I can tell you mine.

I saw what my dad was going through, and I do not want to end up like him: Slaving away at work trying to save money for a retirement that is not a guaranteed thing. I didn't want to work my bum off for a corporation so that I can maybe have a few years to do meaningful things before I die. I'm not saying I'll stop retirement planning or anything. No, that's nonsense. But I can start working on those hobbies now. I can use my evenings and weekends normally devoted solely to video gaming for other purposes. In this case, I've been learning music (through a video game, no less). Music is awesome. I love music. Listening to it, playing it, I love it.

Now, I realize our situations are not very similar. You have a wife and family, while I am probably going to live the bachelor life for a very long time yet. I have a well-paying job that does not consume all hours of the day. I don't know what your walmart schedule is, but I was able to work good hours and still have time to do school back in the day.

But bringing this back to you, I just want to ask "why?"

Why was November the time when you go at writing gung ho, and end up straining your relationships in the process? Why not spread the process out more? Why give up on something you so clearly love? (Speaking primarily about the pessimism in your post)

I realize I am being exceedingly blunt here, but this past month has been full of wake-up calls of sorts. The realization that I'm playing too many video games. The realization that I am frittering away my after-work hours on pointless things. I am working to balance the video games with productive things, both for myself and for my dad.

In your blog post, I was drawn to this particular point:

Dreams are stupid. They only come true if you’re amazingly lucky, or incredibly blessed. For the rest of us, the best we can do is find a full time job that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself every day.

I get that mentality. I really, truly do. I was suicidal in my college years, to the point of attempting it twice. The job I'm currently working is not a super fun job.

But here's the thing.

Dreams aren't stupid.

Dreams are what makes life worth living.

I will probably never be a professional guitar player. I'm not terrible at the instrument, don't get me wrong, but I don't have the connections to make anything beyond a weekend warrior the absolute best case scenario.

But you know what?

It doesn't matter. I would play guitar if it made me famous, or not. I may not play it forever, but I do not regret a second of the time I have spent with the instrument. If the dream fades, another arises to take its place. What matters is that I engaged the dream when I had the chance, and it took me where it would.

I know, I know. I sound like one of those boundlessly optimistic kids or new agey motivational speakers. I honestly just like the turn of phrase, you may also substitute "following a dream until the dream is no more." I'm just a typical millennial who doesn't "get" reality.

You say:

My dreams aren’t important any more. They’ve become pointless. It’s time to wake up to reality.

As a famous guy once said, "I reject your reality and substitute my own"

I am sorry for perhaps rubbing salt on the wound. I don't even know you that well, but I really do care about how you're doing. I don't want you to give up on something you love. You really seem to love writing, and reading that post hurt on some emotional level. If you remain unconvinced, that is fine, and I will not bring it up again and if you aren't completely upset with me we can remain friends. But I would forever kick myself if I didn't at least try to show you my point of view.

*steps off from cliche soapbox*

So how about sportsball?

On a more serious note, how did the first day at Walmart go?

Deepfreeze32 wrote: I don't even know you that well, but I really do care about how you're doing.

You know me well enough, buddy, and I have a good idea about how you are, too. I was actually wondering if you'd chime in about that blog post, and I'm glad you did.

I know it does sound quite pessimistic, but I don't want you or Chozon1 to take it to heart, and follow my example. I kind of view you two as budding writers who have followed my example, and have attempted NaNo yourselves. Even if you didn't manage to finish, just to take that leap is a big step forward, and I'm proud of you guys.

You too, ArchAngel, if you're still around and happen to read this.

Deepfreeze32 wrote: I don't know what your walmart schedule is, ....

I don't know what it is, either. They're still hammering it out, apparently. But I'm headed in tomorrow, because apparently they're desperately short-staffed, and need people working the sales floor. Even if they're green recruits who haven't finished their training. But it shouldn't be too bad. As to your question, most of it was orientation and going over the ethics and motivations of being a Walmart associate. It was fairly interesting, but it occurred to me that, for honest Christians, you're probably already doing a bunch of the honest, ethical things you're being "trained" to do anyway.

Deepfreeze32 wrote:
Why was November the time when you go at writing gung ho, and end up straining your relationships in the process? Why not spread the process out more? Why give up on something you so clearly love? (Speaking primarily about the pessimism in your post)

...

In your blog post, I was drawn to this particular point:

Dreams are stupid. They only come true if you’re amazingly lucky, or incredibly blessed. For the rest of us, the best we can do is find a full time job that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself every day.

I get that mentality. I really, truly do. I was suicidal in my college years, to the point of attempting it twice. The job I'm currently working is not a super fun job.

But here's the thing.

Dreams aren't stupid.

Dreams are what makes life worth living.

I can understand that. And thank you for trying to encourage me. I guess I'm just confused and frustrated. It's a bit of a spiritual crisis, too. I quit my job for many reasons, but one of them is because I felt spiritually led to do so. I thought God was telling me that it was time to leave my job at the title company, start my own business, and try to achieve my dreams of becoming a writer. If it wasn't now, then it'll be never.

So I started Garnet Services, and trusted in God to help me out.

... and I've had one paying customer since starting my business, and only a handful of uncredited writing jobs for various Web sites. Despite the numerous publishers I've submitted my book to since I quit, I haven't gotten a single response. Not even a rejection.

It has occurred to me that I have prayed to be a "published writer." And I have to admit that I am a published writer. After all, I have more than 80 reviews published by Christ Centered Gamer, and I'm well on my way to my self-imposed goal of 100 reviews under my name. Maybe it's a case of "be careful what you wish for - it might come true!" I should have asked to be a "professional writer."

At the same time, though, I can't help but feel that, sometimes, God isn't there for me. He's decided not to help me out in this instance, and just left me alone to my own devices. I can't do this alone, but I'm not getting any help, either.

Things have changed recently, though. This Walmart job might be just one step. We've received some money from family to help us limp along, and I even have a couple of computer repair gigs that I've been asked to look into (one of which is the reason I'm home late tonight). So perhaps things will turn around. God might be willing to help out my family after all.

But that still doesn't mean that I'll ever be a professional writer. And I've been trying to think of a blog post that will help explain what I've been going through that doesn't sound even more pessimistic. I may take up writing fiction again soon - and I still have to post that story I finished last November. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to put the writer hat back on yet. In fact, I'm still trying to find a purpose to my life. I've prayed about that often as well. Why am I here? If I've been given these gifts, why am I not allowed to use them to feed and support my family? What's the point of all this? Will I ever receive an answer to these questions?

Deepfreeze32 wrote: So how about sportsball?

Never been much of a sports fan. But I'll go ahead and cheer (insert team name here). Go (insert team name here)! Beat the (insert team's rival / opponent here)!

How did your first day at Wal-Mart go?

For the record, I never really got a formal training session either; just the propagandistic orientation video sessions. I was trained by fellow employee, including a mentor who was maybe a few years younger than me. XD I think that's just how they do things.

Chozon1 wrote: Wed Jan 18, 2017 6:38 pm How did your first day at Wal-Mart go?

It wasn't too bad. A lot of sitting around listening to company policy, ethics and whatnot. I just got back from my second day, and that was a bit more tiring. Instead of working my department, me and another of the new recruits spent the entire time cleaning the back room. Apparently, the COO did a surprise visit on Saturday (surprise! Someone call the store manager - he had the day off!) and since then they've been having visits from other higher-ups, including one this coming weekend. I'm hoping to actually work with the meat department tomorrow.

I received my schedule for the next couple weeks, too. They have me scheduled for 5 a.m. for a few days. Ugh. I hate getting up early....

Interestingly, that seems par for the course; happened a lot to me too. Hate that they have you getting up that early, though. :\ That was the benefit of being a nightsider gremlin. They changed my days from time to time, but my hours were generally the same.

Are they making you wear the polyester vest?

Chozon1 wrote: Thu Jan 19, 2017 8:42 am
Are they making you wear the polyester vest?

But of course! In fact, I had to wash it yesterday because it got al dirty from sweeping out under shelves, scrubbing walls, and moving signage around.

Before I go into a ton of detail, I guess I should ask permission first.

Is it ok to ask you for your opinions on writing, story structure, etc? I'm currently outlining a story (I am more of the architect school of writer), and trying to decide how to balance two competing storylines so that it is consistent all the way through, but it's hard. XD

Deepfreeze32 wrote: Thu Jan 19, 2017 8:25 pm Before I go into a ton of detail, I guess I should ask permission first.

Is it ok to ask you for your opinions on writing, story structure, etc? I'm currently outlining a story (I am more of the architect school of writer), and trying to decide how to balance two competing storylines so that it is consistent all the way through, but it's hard. XD

I don't mind at all! I may have given up largely on my own writing, but I'd still love to help others reach their potential as writers.

Yeah, the vest texture really holds onto dirt well. It's pretty sturdy though. I grew to regard it as a sort of body armor. If you don't want to be stopped on your way home by random passersby, remember to take it off when you clock out though. A lesson I learned the hard way.

When you finally get the shelf hung, step back...and realize it is in no way level?

Chozon1 wrote: Fri Jan 20, 2017 9:21 am Yeah, the vest texture really holds onto dirt well. It's pretty sturdy though. I grew to regard it as a sort of body armor. If you don't want to be stopped on your way home by random passersby, remember to take it off when you clock out though. A lesson I learned the hard way.

I was advised about that early on. I do take it off when I'm not on the clock... or make sure my coat is on and zipped up so no one can see it!

Chozon1 wrote:When you finally get the shelf hung, step back...and realize it is in no way level?

I've done something similar, but it was a device used to hang utensils, like spatulas or spaghetti forks. And it was at a friend's house, too. Fortunately, she didn't care - she just wanted it on the wall and said that it was good enough.

So I kinda pitched my story to Chozon, but I'll give you the structural details I'm struggling with.

Background: A science fiction twist on feudalism, a king is called to war by the emperor he swears fealty to (King is kind of like a lord in the medieval sense, they control planets or a system, the emperor controls them. It's like how the Holy Roman Empire was run). The war happens before the story starts. During the final battle for the capital (against a rival empire), the king gets word that his father (Who abdicated due to political pressure) has passed away. Handing off most of his fleet to his best friend and trusted general, he takes his flagship and two escorts home. But as they prepare to jump, their drive is sabotaged and they are lost in unknown regions.

The story has three major threads which I'm trying to balance. The first is the chronicle of the voyage home. This part is pretty easy, and I don't really have an issue here. The second is the saboteur attempting to thwart all attempts at the king returning, and he takes orders from a rival kingdom in the same empire (think the rivalry of House Atreides and House Harkonnen in Dune). This thread I think I can balance with the voyage just fine, as I plan to have the saboteur revealed to the reader pretty early on, and try to leave the reader wondering when and where they will strike (and if the crew can stop them).

The final thread is proving to be difficult. This thread requires additional detail. Due to getting lost, and time dilation due to traveling near a black hole, the king ends up being years gone. When he returns, he finds that his kingdom has been ruined by the surrogate he appointed (A guy who took bribes from the mercantile guilds) to rule while he was gone. He ends up murdering the surrogate and the guild leaders who bribed him in a fit of rage, and tries to restore things to normal. However, confidence in the throne is shattered, so he has two choices: Abdicate in favor of his son whom he has not had time to teach how to be king, or give the people more say. In the end, he opts for the latter option, and establishes a sort of advisory council which the populace elect. This changes the function of the monarchy to one similar to modern day Britain: the council provides input on what the people want, but where the king still has the final say (though to keep confidence high, overruling the council often isn't wise).

The problem is...that thread completely clashes with the flow of the book in my opinion. I've been telling a tale of the grand journey and the threat of an attack, and then it becomes a short story about the political landscape and trying to clean up a mess that has heretofore not been brought up. I am attached to this thread because I want this to be the sort of crescendo moment for the king's character (Being somewhat aloof and "kingly" in the beginning, but due to the shared trials, he gains a greater appreciation of the people he rules. Establishing a peasantry council is his growth into being a more understanding king who actually wants the best for his people, not himself). Therefore omitting it doesn't seem quite right. But on the other hand, I hate the structure of how Return of the King ends, with an epilogue that is basically half of the book. This thread almost feels like that in terms of how different the type of story is.

So I've come up with a few options, and I want your thoughts (On both the options and the idea in general):

1): Cut the thread entirely. As stated earlier, not a super huge fan of this one.

2): Keep it as it is, and use the jarring tone shift as a way that the reader can connect with the king more (since both will be surprised). This allows us to experience the events as the king does.

3): Add foreshadowing in the form of interspersed snippets where we cut back to the kingdom and see the gradual descent into chaos. This changes the way we relate to the situation, because we no longer connect with the king as a character so much as we want to see what he will do as a reaction to this. Rather than connect with the reaction, we try to anticipate the reaction.

4): Something else entirely.

Hmm... a couple of thoughts. And this is just me brainstorming, so feel free to shoot down anything that you don't like.

1) Merge the second thread with the first. If the saboteur is a member of the crew of the ship, then turn it into a "whodunit" to determine who the saboteur is, and when he (or she) will strike next. Don't write anything from the saboteur's perspective. Instead, insert clues - including plenty of red herrings - to see if the king and the reader can determine who the bad guy is. Regardless of genre, a great mystery will suck anyone in, and if done well, can really motivate the reader into continuing the book.

2) The book then becomes divided into two parts - the voyage home, and then cleaning up the ruins afterwards. And - a thought that just occurred to me - you actually can do some foreshadowing with the first part to merge into the second. Perhaps one of the attempts to sabotage the flight is the assassination of the ship's captain. With the death of the person running the crew, it leaves the king to call the shots. Now you could spin this in one of two ways - or possibly both.

a) The king attempts to "abdicate" by passing control to someone else (like the First Mate or something like that). However, the results are disastrous, because the first mate is actually more inept than anyone expected. The state of the ship actually gets worse under his (or her) leadership, especially with the saboteur still at large.

b) The king takes the heads of each department and forms a sort of council. He'll make the final decisions, but not without taking all the feedback from everyone and possibly a vote (in cases where he's not sure about how to run a spaceship - something well outside his experience, but everyone is looking to him for leadership!)

As a result, when he gets back home and assumes control from the person who drove the empire to ruin, he'll use the experiences that he had on the ship to set up a new governmental system. So in this way the voyage home also serves as a bit of foreshadowing. The king learns what he needed to do on a smaller scale, and is willing to try to implement it on a larger scale.

I do like the idea of the sudden jarring effect of coming back to a ruined empire - especially if you set it up with the first couple chapters or so about how efficient everything is run and how wonderful the nation is. The concept and setting is cool, too!

So I'm thinking, of your proposed solutions, a combination of 2, 3 and 4.

Left overs for supper?

Nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's a good way to make sure that things don't end up spoiling in the fridge.

Some foods need to die. >_> Plus, cold soup smells terrible. I don't know why, but when I crack open the container to scoop me a bowl of delicious soup, it makes me gag.

A whole new world of combat is opened up to characters which cannot be killed?