TODAY I AM BECOME ALIVE.

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Chozon1
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So...I ate some ghost chili hot sauce. I've been wanting to test my mettle for years against this stuff, since I am the resident chili head in my family. I regularly eat habanero peppers (in sauce form, as well as rarely fresh), as well as jalapeños. I've even got some hot sauce that is capsicum mixed with vinegar, water and salt that I eat reasonably frequently. I made hot wings with incredibly hot habanero sauce imported from Mexico, and despite the tears, consumed them with glee. I'm not a slouch when it comes to hot stuff. I consume things that others in my family cry when they taste.

And I have never had something that hurt this bad. It wasn't chili heat, or spiciness; it was pain. Pure, unadulterated, "I just poured molten glass in my mouth" pain. The kind of pain you get when you injure yourself. Genuine "I want this to end" pain. All my years of training were burned away in fiery pain, and my arrogance was forgotten.

I poured some on a chip to taste it and after I quaffed it, as fumes and peppery bite swelled in my mouth and respiratory system, a quiet voice in my head said "oh child; you done did it this time".

I can't...I don't know. I lost the ability to speak for a minute. I tried, really, to bear with it; for 45 seconds or so I drank soda, and held fast, but when the nausea started building and the drool poured on in an effort to put out the fires, I ran into the kitchen and, for the first time in my life, considered swilling milk straight from the gallon. Actually, I forgot how to handle hot foods and was considering running around in circles when I remembered dairy products. I think I ate some chips too, since I thought that might help at the time.

I was approaching frantic levels trying to get a stupid plastic cup loose from the rest, and my sister (who bought the stuff for me) had this horrified look on her face; I think she thought I was going to die. I lost feeling in my mouth except for the parts that hurt; the right side of my lips even started to swell. I could feel drool actually squirting in my mouth. Breathing hurt. I thought I was going to toss my cookies (And pretzels, and Jello, and everything else I'd eaten that night) every which way to Sunday, and I lost the ability to focus on everything except the enraged volcano inside my face.

I kept pouring tumbler after tumbler of milk, just sipping it to keep a slow stream going down my throat. Tears of pain, and by this time joy, since I was higher than the moon on endorphins, slid down my face (which was not red, I am told, but stark white and sweaty) and it was at least 5 minutes before the level of pain dropped to "really hot pepper" and I was able to stop drinking. This morning I woke up with intense explosive gas, and other less fun effects I won't get into since this is G rated. PG for the European cut.

It was, truly, one of the most glorious things I have ever done. Easily one of the greatest moments of the year.

Next stop: Hot wings.
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ArchAngel
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Ghost Pepper Chili Sauce is pretty great. A couple drops on a chip can do you pretty well.

Well done, young apprentice.
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ccgr
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Funny! Should have chased it down with some of those gummy bears.
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ArcticFox
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Dude, your posts are consistently hilarious. A joy to read.
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Oh man. This was hilarious.

Chozon for president.
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JOJ650s
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Be part of the answer, not part of the problem.

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1 Corinthians 13; remember it always.
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